Within Walking Distance

A property owner inquired about management services for her unit.    When informed that the rental market is slow and it could take some time to find a suitable tenant, she said she would not accept a Section 8 tenant.  I’ve heard this many times before and began to explain that some of my best tenants receive Section 8 benefits. 

Then she dropped the bomb.  She will not allow children in her property and she wants us to find a single ”gay” man.   

In the State of Hawaii, it is illegal to discriminate against any person because of religion, color, sex, ancestry/national origin, age, marital status, disability, race, familial status, HIV infection, sex or sexual orientation.

When renting a unit on the 30th floor of a high rise, it is only natural to be concerned if the tenant has small children.   But it is against the law to deny an applicant solely because they have children. 

If you don’t want Section 8, that’s your choice.  They are not a protected class in Hawaii.  However, you are not a good fit with my company and I’ll let you find another agent. 

And single gay guys only?  Oh boy.  

A condominium project in my town posted signs reading “No Children Playing in Parking Lot” and were required to remove the word “children”.   They also had designated one of the pools for “adults only” and that sign had to come down.

We all know obvious discrimination when we see it, but sometimes it is not so black and white.   

Today a Craigslist ad we ran said “kid friendly”.  It was tagged and removed.  I’m still trying to figure this one out.

At a recent seminar, we were informed that it is a violation to say that a property is “within walking distance of …” because not everybody can walk.   We must use the words “near” or “close”.    Really?  I mean REALLY??

We all want to do the right thing and we treat everyone the same.   If we screw up in our ads, I can promise you that it was not intentional.

Stuff Happens

Do you really need Renter’s Insurance? 

Poor tenant.  There is water pouring down the walls of your apartment, apparently the result of another toilet seal, water heater, or bathtub overflow problem.  This happens constantly in our area as the majority of the condominium projects were built in the 1970s.   Your unit is a soaking wet mess.  We are on the way with a plumber and a water extraction company.  We will get it fixed for you as soon as possible.   But that is not really your concern.  You want money, and lots of it, to compensate you for your wet baseball card collection.   Oh, and the video game console.  It was on the floor with all of your video games, your clothes, and just about everything you own. 

Poor tenant.  Remember when you taped and/or glued every single hole and crevice in your unit because you were so afraid of bugs getting in?   I’ll bet you didn’t realize that while nothing can get in, nothing can get out either.  Not even water.   Your water heater just busted, your unit is now just one big swimming pool.  Most of your stuff is under water.  

Poor tenant.  There is a lightning storm and your home, for some unknown reason, is no longer grounded.   The electric surge through the house blows out every single electrical appliance in it.    In this particular case, the refrigerator, stove, and window air conditioner all belong to you.  

Poor tenant.  You should have told us that you had a Pit Bull.  I know he’s a sweet dog, but did you know that he bit the neighbor’s kid while you were at work?   The neighbor has announced that he is going to sue me and the owner of the property.  Guess what?  The property owner and I are both going to sue you.  

Poor tenant.   The pipe under your unit has busted and water is coming up in the sinks and the tub.  It’s pouring out all over the floor.  I’m sorry to tell you that it was a sewer line.  Your stuff is just hazardous waste now. 

Poor tenant.   Your unit burned down.  I don’t know what happened but it could have had something to do with the bad wiring on the “growing system” in your bedroom closet.  All of your stuff is toast.  By the way, if they can prove that your stuff caused the fire, the owner is going to sue the crap out of you. 

Poor tenant.   Your unit is now on the market for sale.  You really don’t like this whole idea so you decide that your jewelry is missing after a showing appointment.  You left it all out on the coffee table in the living room.  This is the one case in which I take great enjoyment in reminding you that you should have bought the insurance.   

This is just a sampling of actual lessons learned by my own tenants.  The Landlord is not going to compensate you for the loss of your personal belongings.  The insurance is very reasonable and is only something like $200 per year (excluding pet coverage). 

So, yes, you REALLY need Renter’s Insurance.  Someday you might wish you had it.

The Other Side (Part II)

I (still) have a home that I own in Texas that needs to be rented.   This is a picture of what it looked like once upon a time. 

The tenants had left it in “immaculate” condition according to the original Property  Manager and I refunded their security deposit in full.  I later discovered that the yard was overgrown and the fridge was moldy.  And I thought I had it bad then.

Cut to now and the fourth Property Manager…yes, the fourth!  

She can’t enter the property into the Houston rental database because the first Property Manager never properly withdrew it.   Well, that gal is in no rush to do me any favors.  I have to contact her boss to get this resolved.   It takes me two days but it’s done.  Okay.

New agent doesn’t want to post picture of the home or show it because the yard is an absolute mess.  They are waiting for funds from me to order the yard service.   I send them a check.   Okay.

Another email announces that the garage door has a big gash in it.   I need a whole new door.  Cost?  About $550.  How did it happen?  Nobody knows.

Next day, another email.  A request for $1,500 for more repairs, painting, and cleaning.  What?   What do you mean that nobody likes a bright blue bedroom?   Okay, I get it.  But $30 to replace some light bulbs.  Geez.  Another check is in the mail.

Oh, the door locks are “not to code” and will all need to be changed, too.

Next day, another email.  There are roaches everywhere!  Yikes.  Must be sprayed.  Okay.

A few minutes later, another email announces that the central air conditioning isn’t working.   Okay, this is really becoming ridiculous now, right?  Remember, this house was in “immaculate” condition with “no damage” at all according to Property Manager No. 1. 

Today the air conditioner repairman went to the house.  He noted that the window on the back door is broken. 

I have assured my Property Manager that I have sent her another check.   Just ignore the tear stains.

Smoking Sunflowers

You know that feeling when you are on your way to work and you pass a fire truck with its lights and sirens blazing?  You wonder if you left the iron and/or the stove on.  What have the kids done now?  Did I pay the insurance premium?  I tell myself to calm down and stop being paranoid.  It has nothing to do with me.

But before I can even open the door to my office, my assistant is running toward me with keys saying the fire department needs to open the door to one of the apartments we manage because, you guessed it, IT’S ON FIRE.

I must look rather pathetic standing there with my mouth open and keys in my hand.  By the time I arrive, the apartment is fully engulfed in flames and they have already knocked down the front door.   Nobody was home, thank goodness.   We call the tenants, a woman and her adult son, to come home.  The woman asks about her dog.   Oh no. 

The Fire Department starts a frantic search through the apartment for her dog.  The tenant shows up a few minutes later and begins wailing in the parking lot over the certain doom of her beloved pooch.   It takes the Fire Department twenty minutes to finally announce that there is no dog, alive or dead, in the unit.

Her son had dropped off the dog (an unauthorized dog, I might add) with a relative earlier that morning on his way to work.  Which raises another question.  Where is the son?  If you were told that your home just burned down, wouldn’t you come home? 

Hours go by and I am not allowed in the unit because I could disturb “evidence”.  Evidence?  What?

The tenants insist that there must have been an electricial problem in the unit.   The Fire Inspector asks the tenant if she knows what her son had in his closet.   She doesn’t know anything.  According to her, she never goes in his room.

There is no proof of anything because everything was burned beyond recognition.  The likely cause was faulty wiring on the “growing system” in one of the closets.  Someone was growing some kind of plants in the closet.  When I ask the tenant, she thinks maybe her son was growing sunflowers.  

I guess our gardener friend got growing tips from the various “how-to grow marijuana” books that were also found in his room.  Those must have been some pretty cool sunflowers.

My Monday Morning

One of my mindless activities, so therefore reserved for Monday mornings, is to drive around and check on our vacant properties.  Among other things, it gives me chance to make sure that any necessary work is progressing as needed, that my Property Managers have things under control, and that the house is secure after the weekend.

So when I encounter one of our homes with a garage door up about half way and a bicycle laying on its side nearby, I am concerned.   When I describe the situation to the police, an officer immediately pulls his gun and proceeds towards the house. 

At this point, I’m irritated that I didn’t get some caffeine before this started because I might be here for a really long time.  Please, Mr. Officer, don’t shoot him inside the house.  I’m tired of cleaning up these bloody messes.

When I hear someone yelling “What did I do?  What did I do?”, I follow into the garage and see the “intruder” with a gun in his face.  He begins stammering to me about having the keys.  I could just die.

I did not know that my staff had rented the house and the tenant had just picked up the keys at my office.  He had rode his bike over to check that the utilties, etc. had been turned on. 

His response is what you would imagine.  Poor guy.  To this day, I just want to crawl under a rock when I see him. 

I jumped to conclusions because I have been in far too many homes with intruders inside that refuse to leave until a cop takes them out.  When I found one sleeping on a sofa, I ran outside and started yelling at him through the window.  It wasn’t until the cop showed up that this guy decided it was time to wake up.  I watched him casually saunter out the front door and walk down the street.   He must do this a lot.

So if you are not a bonafide tenant, please don’t sleep in my units.  And if you do, please do so in the garage so you don’t bleed on the carpeting.  If you are a bonafide tenant just moving in, I apologize in advance.

Being on the Other Side

I own a cute little house in Pearland Texas about 5,000 miles (or a $1,000 plane ticket) from where I live.

The last time it was vacant, I got a frantic call from my Property Manager.  Apparently, a moving van had pulled up to my house, broke in through the garage, and had loaded up my refrigerator and my brand new washer and dryer when the neighbors finally noticed and called the police.   These guys were apparently in the middle of disconnecting my gas stove when the cops arrived.  They drove off after the gentlemen calmly told them that they were moving in to the house.   I later received a call from a detective who was trying to get information on this gang that is breaking into all the vacant homes in the area. 

This is a very nice community and my neighbor next door is a police officer.  Just goes to show you that it doesn’t matter where your home is.  If they really want to get in, they will. 

The new tenants spend a year there.  They were great.  But they have bought their own home and have moved out.  Suddenly, this house is empty again.  Not a good feeling. 

The Property Manager is more than happy to help me find another tenant.  She says the area is “hot” and we should have no problem finding a tenant.  Wow, I think, I would never tell my clients this, even if it were true.   I remind her about the previous problems and that I cannot afford to lose my appliances again.  Not a problem.  She’ll “make sure nothing happens to it”.    Another red flag.  How can she promise this?  Again, not something I would say to a client.

Days go by and I finally get an email from this Property Manager saying that the price is too high.  I guess the market has cooled down really fast.  Price reduction authorized.  Soon I receive another email that she has found a “sweet” couple to rent my home.  They have some credit issues but they will be “great tenants”.    My own investigation reveals that they are less than sweet.  I have a sick feeling in my stomach.  The trust is gone. 

I request proof that the home is being advertised and maintained.  She stops responding.  I soon discover from my previous tenant that she is busy filming a television show for HGTV.   She’s too busy for me now.

I hire a new Property Manager who finds the yard overgrown and full of weeds.  There are flyers, phone books, etc. on the front porch.  The house appears abandoned, the perfect target.  The electricity is off and my refrigerator is full of mold.  But it’s okay, this new gal is going to save the day!  Right?  Wrong!   Despite her assurances to the contrary, her company is illegitimate. 

So now I’m on my fourth Property Manager.  We’ll see what happens.  He’ll call me on Monday because he is going fishing this weekend.

If there is any good to come from all this, it is that I am seeing how it feels to be on the “other side”.  You must be able to trust your Property Manager.  The market can suck and you might get a bad tenant.  Things happen.   We can get through it.   But if there is no trust, it’s time to move on.

So to all my property owners, thanks for the trust you have in me.   And to all those Property Managers in Texas, what the hell is wrong with you people?

The Dog Ate the Rent

Today is the first Friday of the month and the office is busy with rent collection.

I once told a tenant that if he could give me an excuse that I hadn’t heard before, he wouldn’t have to pay the rent that month.  I dared him.  Repeatedly.  Go ahead.  Give it your best shot.  Why would I do this?  Because I knew this guy was lying from the beginning of the conversation.

A good Property Manager can almost smell a lie coming.   Unfortunately, I have had a great deal of experience.   I have heard every lame excuse imaginable from the very simple to the ridiculously elaborate.

Simple would include “my welfare check didn’t come in”, “my car broke down”, “the kids are sick”, the ever popular “they cut my hours at work”, or my personal favorite, “I forgot”.

Some are more original like “I used it on a downpayment for a house and the real estate agent won’t give it back”, “I don’t want to live here anymore and I need to save up for another security deposit”, “I had to go buy stuff to clean the yard because you said I have to keep it clean”, and “I’ll pay when I get out of jail”. 

Now, of course there are many times that a tenant has really fallen on hard times, especially in the current economy.  And I am more than willing to help them out.  But don’t ask me for help and then I drive by your house on Friday night to find a full blown luau happening in the front yard, complete with big white tents and a disco ball. 

As I tell every new tenant, we will have a fabulous relationship as long as you don’t make me chase you around.  Call me and we’ll work it out.  If I have to go looking for you, I will find you.  Remember, I know where you live. 

It might also be a good idea to send me an invitation to your party.

What is that SMELL?

Last night I was reminded of an incident a fews ago at a condominium unit that we managed. 

Management of the complex called me one very hot afternoon because there was a horrible stench coming from this particular unit.  No one had seen or heard from the tenants and they were expecting the worst. 

I headed there with my key and requested one of the security guards to accompany me.   I opened the door and gestured the guard to go in first.   Wouldn’t you?  He gave me a pitiful look when I told him there was just no way in hell that I was going in first.

As it turned out, the tenants had a big fight several days earlier and had moved out. Unfortuantely, the wife had forgotten to take the chicken that she had left defrosting for dinner in the kitchen sink. 

The security guard’s face is forever stamped in my mind.  He had to have been all of 18 years old and working his first job.   I couldn’t tell if he was turning gray from the smell and the maggots or if the color was just returning to his face after being scared half to death.  I held on to him as I burst into hysterial laughter.  He and I became good friends and he is no longer a security guard.   But to this day, whenever I see him, we remember… and smile. 

Sometimes, like last night, I find myself giggling when hauling out a particularly bad smelling trash can from my kitchen.

Tenant Suicide

I woke up this morning to a phone call that one of my tenants has committed suicide.

I found my initial reaction interesting.   At first, I had no reaction at all.  Strange.   People who know me will tell you that I can be a very sensitive person, especially when it comes to children.  That is probably why I became very angry when I was told he had shot himself in the head in front of the neighborhood kids.    I mean furious.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m sorry the guy is dead.  I’m sorry for his parents.  I’m sorry for his girlfriend who had the argument with him that apparently triggered this.   I’m sorry for his children.  But mostly, I’m sorry for the neighbor’s children that watched this all happen.  They are undoubtedly traumatized and some may be damaged for life. 

Contrary to popular belief, Property Managers are human and we do have feelings.  But we also must do our job.  Without getting into detail, we will now need to evaluate the scene for hazardous conditions.  We must hire licensed professionals to clean the scene.  It is also reasonable to expect some tenants to vacate after such a tragedy.  We will have disclosure issues.  These are just some of the things we must now consider to make sure that our owner’s property is protected. 

I am a Property Manager 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Head in the Sand

Dear Property Owner:

When bad things happen, it forces us to either accept it or hide our heads in the sand.   After we pull our heads out, however, we start looking for someone to blame.

Today, a foreclosure notice was taped to your property’s front door.   I am trying to calm down your upset tenant.  I have to tell them that I am no longer managing the property because I have to turn everything over to a Court Commissioner.  I also have to deal with the City who has arrived at the property looking for payment on the delinquent property taxes and/or the Homeowner’s Association who wants to collect the maintenance fees.

And for some reason, you have decided this is all MY fault?

You paid too much for this property and you didn’t consult with a Property Manager before you bought it.  You believed all the crap your Sales Agent handed you about how it will appreciate tenfold in the next few years, this area is a gold mine, the new hotels will bring more business out here, yadda, yadda, yadda.    

You had no business becoming an investor in the first place.  You had to struggle to make your payments every month.   You tortured my staff with your constant ridiculous demands. 

So you finally gave up and stopped paying your mortgage months ago.  You have been pocketing all the rent money without paying out a dime.   You never said a word to us.  Now you’re angry that the monthly checks will stop and the fun is over.

You are now accusing ME of purposely driving down the market.   Are you serious?   

I understand you are upset.  After all, you will no longer be getting that big rent check every month.   But the Property Manager is not to blame.

Find a new hobby.   Real estate investing is not for you.